saying goodbye is never easy

the last thing i ever expected to happen actually happened. my nanny passed away while we were in mexico. she was an amazing woman, so healthy and so strong. she lived for her family and it was very clear that everyone she knew meant the world to her.

born may 6, 1911...she was 99 and a half when she passed away. we were certain she was going to make it to her 100th birthday, but the world had other plans for her. i still cant believe she is gone from the world...but at 99 years old, she lived a very full life. she had 4 children, 17 grandchildren, 36 great-grandchildren, and 4 great-great grandchildren. her husband passed away 31 years ago and she was alone ever since. he was her soul mate and she always told us that.

when i got the call in mexico from my mom, it was 6:30am. automatically i knew that something was wrong. no one calls someone on vacation that far away unless it is something serious. i thought it was about my opa who was having surgery, so when i heard it was my nanny i was crushed. when someone is 99 years old, it feels like they will live forever.

my nanny and i were so close when i was a kid. i used to sleep over at her apartment where she would always french braid my hair before bed. when i woke up i would take the braids out and be left with perfect waves in my hair. never once was there a tangle in my hair from the braids...she was the best braider! even at 99 she could still french braid; although not nearly as tight as they used to be.

what makes me the most sad is knowing that kingston will never get to know her like i did. she loved all the little ones in her life and only got to meet kingston a couple of times. i am thankful to have gotten a picture of her holding kingston, but am sad that we never got a 5 generation photo.

the one memory that we all share with nanny was her love for the song the rose. every event we had she always asked for us to sing her the rose. she would sit there and just smile and listen. occasionally a few tears would roll down her cheeks. every time i hear that song now, it brings tears to my eyes.

nanny, i will always always always remember you and your pure spirit. you were a woman of perfection. thank you for so many wonderful memories. i know you are in your happy place right now and that makes me so happy. i love you so much and will miss you like crazy. see you again in the future!



The Rose Lyrics - Bette Midler

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed

It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
That with the sun's love, in the spring
Becomes the rose

memories that last forever

we made it home from mexico in one piece. what an amazing holiday we had. it was a completely different trip than we had the last time we were in mexico for our wedding, but it was so special. i will definitely remember this holiday for the rest of my life.

kingston loves the heat. i discovered that this past summer when i was bracing myself for a miserable baby who was too hot and uncomfortable...it turned out he was his happiest on the hottest days that we spent outside. he loves the outdoors, he loves the water, and he loves the heat. we honestly could not have picked a better type of vacation for this dream baby. he napped on the beach, he napped by the pool, one day he even fell asleep in the ocean.

we swam every day, ate meals as a family, and really tried to make the most of our time together. cameron works long hours so it was so nice to have him for a full week...his 100% undevided attention all week!!! kingston really enjoyed having his mama and dadda by his side all the time. he really was in heaven on that vacation.

we were lucky to have camerons parents with us. they really helped us out!! they took kingston at times when we needed a break (the plane ride, meals, etc) and im sure they loved their time with him too. it was so special to watch them interact with him in such a beautiful place on earth. such a relaxed time in our lives. kingston napped on them, played with them, laughed with them, and shared endless amounts of smiles. it was fantastic.

one of my highlights of the trip was parasailing with cameron. it was a breathtaking view of the caribbean ocean. the colour of the water is undescribable.

its hard to believe our holiday is over already. i am looking so forward to our next family vacation...fingers are crossed it is just as amazing as this one was.

changes need to be made

i cant help but write something on the recent headlines that have made international news regarding bullying.

..why do people think they have the right to treat people in such a disrespectful manner?

...why do people think it is ok to bully someone because they are unique in some way?

....why do people assume they are better than someone?

.....why do some people think their time is more valuable than someone elses?

one of the most amazing things about the human race is our individuality. our ability to make our own decisions. having the freedom to develop into a unique person who contributes positively to the planet.

its a shame that it takes suicides and death for people to start taking some action, but at least its a start...and hopefully its just the beginning of a long list of changes ahead.



there is not much one individual person can do about bullying, but if everyone unites and joins forces, changes can definitely be made. as dr. phil always says, standing by and watching someone be bullied is just as bad as the person doing the bullying and i most definitely agree.

what breaks my heart is when innocent children are bugged and tormented for things they have no control over. if a baby is born into a family without the funds to buy the best clothes, shoes, hair products...why do others feel they can harrass that child? these kids were never given the option of who their family was, or how much money they make. its such a tragedy to know that these children go home feeling inadequate...

what i can do, and most definitely will, is raise my children to give everyone a fair chance. i will teach them that a persons shape, size, gender, sexual preference, etc do not determine who they are...they are merely characteristics of the cover of their book. i will also teach them to be strong and to stand up for themselves should they ever be bullied. each and every one of us is a valuable person on this planet and we all deserve to be treated as such.

oh turkey how i will miss you...

its just about thanksgiving in canada and i am realizing how many things i have to be thankful for. life can be difficult some days, but i sit back and realize the things i have been blessed with, the day seems to brighten.


i am thankful for being a canadian and having the opportunity to stay home and nuture my babies for a full year. now that i have kingston, my outlook on life has changed dramatically. i am thankful for the changes he has made in me. never again will i not be happy with just being me. it feels so special to be the one person in my little boys life that he relies on 100%. he cant talk, but through his actions, his smiles, his giggles i know he loves me and that alone is enough to make me smile each and every day. life passes by so fast; kingston reminds me every day to sit back and enjoy the moments we share.

i am so thankful for my husband. without cameron my life would crazy. he does so much for us and every day i remind myself of those things. he is a provider, he strives to achieve high goals, he is a dreamer who dreams big and wont settle for anything less. he has provided us with a home that fits our needs, cars that take us to fantastic destinations, and provides us with all the love and support anyone could ask for...especially when we need it most.

i am thankful for my family...all of them. i am thankful that we are a big family with a diverse group of personalities. while we dont always share the same opinions or outlooks, we will always share the unconditional love that a family shares. i sometimes wish we could turn the clocks back five years because those really were some of the best times we shared as a family. things have dramatically changed, but i try to be optimistic that things will improve again....slowly but surely they will.

i am thankful for my inlaws...mom, dad, brothers & sister. i am so blessed to have married into the martyn family. they are such hard workers and have taught me so much about life.

i am thankful for my friends who are there when i need to vent, when i need to laugh, when i need some fun and relaxing time. like any relationship, friendships have their up and down times but things always work themselves out because there are far more good times than there are difficult ones. sometimes it seems like my friends just "get me" more than my family (and sometimes husband) get me. i cherish all of my friends and am so thankful to have them in my life.

this year we dont get to have the traditional thanksgiving turkey dinner. i am sad we wont get to enjoy it, but today i am absolutely most thankful for our upcoming vacation. while we wont have our turkey dinner in the company of our full families, we will be creating many amazing memories on the beaches of the mayan riviera! we are staying at the grand sunset princss resort in the platinum club. we will have 24 hour room service, unlimited food, endless drinks and nothing to worry about!! i feel like right now, more than ever, i need a vacation. i need some time to just get away and enjoy my little family.

i love to laugh!

anyone who knows me knows i absolutely love to laugh, and more than that...i love prank shows. i could watch them for hours at a time and laugh uncontrollably. i love the music montages that americas funniest home videos shows, i love howie do it, candid camera, just for laughs: gags....seriously, all of them.

i am usually that person that gets the giggles and cant stop laughing; and usually at something that i should not even be laughing at in the first place!

its awful, but i love seeing people trip, fall, get scared, walk into things...oh man!

mealtime blues

one of the things i have had a really rough time getting back into is cooking well balanced healthy meals. i feel like we are always coming up with some last-minute half-assed meal we like to call "dinner".

i guess it is especially difficult because that seems to be kingston's fussy time. i know its not a good idea to just pick him up all the time when he whines, but when he is tired and fussy and all he wants is to be loved by his mama, its so hard to refuse him that. hes still young...only 3 months old, so i will continue to take advantage of all his cuddles while he is still willing to give them!

i am going to make more of an effort once we get back from our holiday. i have to...i am tired of eating whatever is left in the fridge.

does anyone have any recommended websites for recipies and cooking ideas??

last night i sauteed up some apples with asparagus. i used that to stuff chicken bites and then wrapped them in bacon and pan fried them. they were delicious! as for tonight...who knows. it is always a mystery!

family adventures

a moonlit walk in whiterock

hanging out at the pne

passed out at playland

family picnic at mill lake park.

brisk summer day at crescent beach

at the abbotsford agrifair

summer lovin, had me a blast!

wow...what a summer we had. there were adjustments to be made in our life but cameron and i both made a commitment that we would not let having children stop us from enjoying life, and living it to the fullest. we have done our best to stay commited to that promise.

the one thing we did not get to do this summer was camp. not because we didnt want to take kingston camping, but we really just didnt have the time to fit it in. we tried numerous times and it just never really worked out.

the recovery of the c-section was far easier than i expected it to be. i had about 4 or 5 pretty rough days where i relied on cameron for everything. i couldnt get out of bed on my own, i couldnt dress myself, i couldnt even go to the bathroom without some assistance. having a baby took every bit of pride i had left right out from underneath of me! regardless of all that, it was worth it and i would do it again tomorrow...well, maybe i will wait a little longer than tomorrow!

while i wasnt able to participate in all our fun activities, i sure made my best attempt! i went to the waterslides, playland, the pne...we had a lot of visitors and spent a lot of time just doing things as a family. it was amazing. one of my favourite summers. having a baby changed the way we spent our summer, but it improved it in so many ways! cameron and i for the first time feel like we are our own family now. not just two people married to one another. our lives are forever joined.

being off work has been so great. right now i dont see myself doing anything but raising my baby to be a healthy, happy, successful person. he is an amazing person already, and he makes me proud every day. i feel sorry for those poor mamas who have to go back to work after just a short time with their newborns. i feel lucky every day that i am in canada with great benefits. where else do you get 50 weeks off to enjoy and nurture your babies?????

life as a mom is absolute bliss. its something i have always wanted and now that i am living that dream, its so much better than i ever expected. the unconditional love i have for my baby is something i cant even put into words. he really lights up my world and makes me want to be a better person every day.

i love waking up in the mornings. right now i dont really think life could be much better.

the newest love of my life

labour never really is just as you plan it to be

wow. what a journey the delivery of my precious little boy was! i was expecting it to be difficult, i was expecting it to be emotional, i was expecting it to be exhausting; but having never been through it before, the unknown was petrifying. i never was nervous about labour. and i assumed that was because i never pictured myself delivering a baby naturally. i never feared that pain. i should have though!

i ended up labouring for a total of 44 hours before the baby finally graced us with his presence. it was an emotional rollercoaster and worth every ounce of pain, pressure, exhaustion. cameron was an absolute GEM in the delivery room.

i had a solid 24 hours of early labour with contractions coming every 5 minutes. not strong, but definitely good solid contractions. i went to the hospital wednesday night after contracting since 4am that morning, they checked me and i'd finally started to efface and was about 1cm dilated - sweeeet (or so i thought). we went home for the night and were told to come back to see my dr. at 7:45am and he'd do another assessment then to see how the night progressed. i was supposed to be induced the next day anyways, so it wasn't an issue at all.

walking the baby out!

woke up at 1:45am in the middle of the night with a REAL contraction. i was screaming in my sleep. barely knew what hit me. when people tell you that you will just know when you are in labour...they are 100% right!! my contractions were hard, long, and steady at about 7 minutes apart. we went to our 7:45am appointment at the hospital and they said i'd effaced a bit more and was niow 1-2 cm. at least enough that my dr. could get in and do a quick sweep.i thought it was no big deal. they said to go home, labour at home for a while and come back at 1pm or sooner should i need anything for pain.

my contractions totally picked up in intensity and i decided at about 12:15 that i wanted to go back and just labour there...just in case things got worse and i needed something for pain. the car ride was awful as i had 4 contractions in the car (thanks to hitting EVERY red light!!). they admitted me right away and i laboured at the hospital for another hour or so before asking for my options for pain medication.

i used laughing gas for a while and was in the shower for a good 5 hours with 2 nurses and cameron all doing things to keep me comfortable. it was going really well until baby flipped posterior and my pain was absolutely incredible!!!! by 6pm i asked for an epidural because i couldn't tolerate it anymore. my dr. came and broke my waters shortly after i asked, but the epidural didn't show up until an hour and a half later!!!!!

it was brutal, totally brutal. i was screaming in pain, absolutely hysterical. got the epirdural finally and laboured for another 5 hours. the epidural was really patchy so i still had a ton of pain they kept having to top it up because even with the epidural i was forced to use laughing gas and was in total agony when contractions hit.

FINALLY i hit 10cm and was ready to push. we got things all sorted out (baby was still fiarly high), gave a good 6 pushes and baby's heartrate dropped with every one. if it only dropped al ittle it wouldn't have been a huge deal, but it dropped 60 beats per minute, so clearly major distress.

we decided then to go with a c-section and just get him out safe and healthy. ahhhh, what a long road!!! even the c-section was tough. as they were pulling him out, they had his head...he managed to squirm back and was laying lengthwise across my belly!!! what a nightmare.

long story short, he's here and he's healthy. we're finally went home after 4 long days in the hospital.

we named him kingston cohen martyn. he was born on june 18, 2010 at 1:32am weighing a healthy 7 lb 14 oz and was absolutely perfect!

our first family photo. love at first sight.